Advice on Teens Driving

[peggyfromwastate]

So my twins got their licenses. About the same time as my son got his license (took him 3 tries lol!) he got a job. Needless to say, he drives A LOT. When he's not driving to work and home (work is by the high school, so not far) he is trying to drive his friends around and what not. He's been to town a couple of times to go shopping or whatever.

My daughter doesn't drive as much. She drives by herself to town to take trombone lessons (this is awesome- saves me 3 hours every Sunday to no longer have to drive her.)

They do not drive for me- they are too busy to take the younger two to swim practice or whatever else they have going on.

I have received panic text messages about what to do because gas is running low. (They don't text while driving, at least. Just... sort of hopeless about Real Life.)

How much gas do you buy for your kids? Last month they used 2.5 TANKS of gas. TANKS. The school is only 5 miles round trip. They drive our Chevy Traverse, which gets about 300-350 miles per tank. I don't know how they are running through gas this much, but I suspect the teen boy.

Since he drives the most, and he's working, do I charge him a "tax"? Do I have them pay for their gas? I was thinking to have them pay for any gas after 2 tanks in one month. BUT I don't see why my daughter should have to pay any of it since she's not the big driver.

It's only going to get worse because they are going to go into the band concert season, with lots of driving...

Also, can I whine a bit that it totally sucks that my teen son is working? He works the dinner hour all the time. Sucks. (Jersey Mikes Sub Shop! Everything smells like Cheesesteaks!)

[mommax3]

We have always covered the cost of gas....we figured that it didn’t really matter who was driving if it was a trip that would have been taken anyway (school, sports, music lessons, etc.). If your son is taking heavy duty road trips (on an island &#128514 or regularly driving out of his way in order to drive friends, maybe you could talk to him about asking the friends to pitch in for gas money? Can you pinpoint how much more gas is being used now that they’re driving vs. before, when you took them everywhere?


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[civilspouse]

When I was a teen I payed for all my own gas but I didn't have to share my car so that's a tough one. You could leave a notebook in the car where they have to document the mileage, what the trip was for, etc 😀. That is what we had to do with the shop trucks at my work. I thinks it's reasonable to pay for gas if they are driving themselves to activities and work and then talk with them to see if you can find a solution that they agree with for the extra trips.


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[MDPhDWife]

Following! Our 16 year old has her permit and will be getting her license soon. DH and I have been having a lot of discussions about what is fair financially for us to cover and if we should require her to get a job. I'm curious to see how others have navigated this road we are about to embark.


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[Meenah]

This may sound sneaky, but periodically I would check the mileage weekly on the car, estimate what it should have been based on what they told me, and then I could figure out if there were "extra" trips. Of course this is all before GPS / phone apps / etc. I can say that more than once they fessed up to trips with friends that I had no idea happened (when they were not supposed to be driving friends). This is probably not your issue, but at that time I had reason to not necessarily trust them!!!!!

[diggitydot]

We never cover gas. Kid is expected to pay for her gas and insurance now fhat she has a job.

[MDPhDWife]

I don't want to derail this thread and perhaps I should start a new thread about this, but DD getting a job has been a hot topic in my house lately. DH and I had always planned on matching the girls savings for a car so they would essentially be paying half. We were determined to not raise entitled brats. Now that we are here, we are having a change of heart and modifying our plans. DD16 is a really hard working kid who is in NHS, NSHSS, and plays varsity soccer. She's taking a ton of AP/dual credit classes, soccer season starting, and all the volunteer hour requirements for NHS/graduation, she really doesn't have any spare time for a job. At least not consistently. I worry that if she were to get a job, her grades will slip which will lead to less scholarship opportunities. At this point, I really want her to drive for my own sanity, but I don't see how she'll be able to save for a car with her current workload. After a long talk, DH and I have decided to gift her my car for her 17th b-day in May. We'll need to buy me a replacement. I'm actively following this to see how we'll handle gas/insurance. She baby/pet sits occasionally and she might be able to take on a summer job, which means she doesn't have a steady source of income, so I'm thinking we will likely end up footing the cost of gas/insurance too.


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[peggyfromwastate]

For me, my daughter is a hard working student, in all the clubs, all the AP classes and everything. She doesn’t have a job and has no time to get a job.

Steven, on the other hand, is lazy with his schoolwork, has 1 AP class that he half-asses, but he’s working very hard at his job and is actually a really good employee. He got “employee of the month” and the managers love him.

Now, I was railroaded into letting him get a job. He wanted a job, I figured it would be 10-15 hours a week. But they try to put him on as many hours as possible. He’s had 30 hours some weeks. He has no real thing he’s saving for- I make him put 20% to savings at least, but he’s expecting an upgrade on his cell phone so I already told him I’d only do half of that cost of the phone. So he needs to earn the cash for half. (I do charge the kids monthly for their cell phones— just $16 each but it’s something.)

For my hard-working daughter, I wouldn’t want her to get a job. She’s too busy as is with her classes and extra curricular. She doesn’t spend money either so she can easily pitch in some allowance towards gas money, but she basically only goes to school activities so I don’t rlly think it’s necessary.

My son drives a lot of back and forth bc of his work, and he forgets his uniform at home, or wants to come home instead of go straight to work from school, etc. So I feel like he SHOULD pitch in more at least gas money.

Dh says it’s no big deal. But easy to say from Iraq!

I had the kids put in 10$ cash when they ran it to E and expected me to rearrange my day to go put gas in their car. Uh. No.

As far as the car- they won’t own this car. It’s the “kid” car. It’s the only car with a backup camera and it’s the safest car we have. So I feel better about them driving it. Insurance would definitely be cheaper if I put them in the accord, and gas would be cheaper too, but I think I’d feel a little more apprehensive.

So they drive a 2014 traverse, I drive a 2008 suburban, and Dh drives a 2009 accord. 😂. Oh well!!!

I told everyone that if I stop putting people through college I can basically buy a Tesla every 3 years or so. 🤙

[mommax3]

We have either given our new drivers an old car of ours or gotten them an old car, and then (with our oldest, and plan to do the same with the other two) have paid half of the cost of the next car. While they were in HS, we paid for gas, insurance, and cell phones. Our older two kids occasionally had jobs in HS, but they were seasonal in nature (apple orchard on weekends) and mostly they didn’t work....they had too much going on, and we didn’t want to lose the little family time that was left over from their activities.
Currently, our oldest (college grad in May ‘17) is living in an apartment above our garage and is working a salaried job at a genetics lab/applying and interviewing at med schools. He has had his own cell phone for a couple of years. We still pay for his insurance. He pays for his gas, but we help out occasionally (for instance if he has a long drive to an interview). He is paying rent to us, buys his own food, and is paying us back for half of the (used) Camry we got him in September. (His first car was our old 2001 Suburban that we gave him with 150+K miles in it...he drove it an additional 70K miles before calling it quits.)
DS #2 has a 2006 Prius that has a 100+K miles on it. He goes to school 8 hours away, so we help him with gas money for his trips home. He has a job on campus and is also on the swim team, so he is pretty busy. We will help him get his next car when it is time, and the garage apartment will be an option for him after college for a year or so if he chooses to be in the area.
Our youngest gets his license *today* (happy dance!), and will have DH’s old 2008 Ford Fusion with 100+K miles on it. We will pay for gas. This child has not yet had a job, but I am not sure when he would work if he did, due to bball, clubs, and church stuff. Like someone else said, him having a car is a sanity saver for us.
The car/gas/insurance stuff is such a small amount compared to the cost of college that we have not made a big deal about it. Our oldest got to the point where he wanted to take more financial responsibility for himself (and we were all for that), which is why he went and got his own cell phone plan. We have always said that while they are at college, their “fun money” is their responsibility since we are paying for everything else, and so far, they have gotten jobs on campus and that has worked out fine.
It seems like every family chooses a different way to handle all of this...I don’t know that there is a “right” or “wrong” way. I grew up very differently than my boys have, and didn’t even have a car until I was a senior in college. I don’t want my boys to be spoiled or entitled, but neither do I want to put financial burdens on them “just because”. The oldest two worked very hard in HS in ways that have paid off substantially in the form of scholarships now that they are in college, and I am pretty sure the scholarships are worth more than the amount we have shelled out for gas, etc. over the years.


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[TulipsAndSunscreen]

I have no skin in this game for another 10+ years but I watched my in laws do this. All my little in laws dropped more and more extracurricular stuff because making money was so awesome in high school. In one extreme case, my little BIL (he’s 21) decided not to go to college because he got into working at a restaurant and decided he wanted to be a chef (Fine) but didn’t go off to college even though he got in because he wanted to go to culinary school. But at this point, he’s working FT and likes the money and doesn’t want to do anything but Work.

Working seems awesome when you’re in high school but in my BIL’s case, I think he’s going to be bummed when he’s still making the same wage in a decade.

Anyway, watching this all go down really changed my opinion on working in high school. I really only want my kids working in the summers like I did. Or babysitting or weekend jobs if they choose that. But no weekday stuff at the expense of something else. Now watch, all of mine will have dropped extracurricular by age 12 bc I said this...


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[Ladybug]

Not there yet but I'll pay for the gas while they're home. I'd like to get them paying their own insurance and aware of the impact of safe driving on insurance costs. They have their whole lives to pay for their own gas. It's such a short window of time. I don't think it's going to make them entitled. They have 12 hour days with school and sports. They're work hard and make good grades. Of course, should we order pizza and wings tonight....or ramen noodles and fill up your car? Real life decisions. Lol.

[peggyfromwastate]

Ha! Steven just came home for 1 hour until he leaves for a band rehearsal. He proudly informed me that he put in 3 whole gallons of gas and “the car is going to need a fill up.”

Then as discussing who is driving where tonight (3 different places at the same time, 2 cars to drive) I was told that since my thing is at the middle school (half mile) I can walk. Bc steven and Izzy have things farther away. 😂😂

True but still. I gave him a look and at least he looked sheepish.

Sigh.

This whole job thing. I’m still thinking about it. I’m not a huge fan. I wish he were swimming. That seems like it would be better but with him I know I have to let him come to these decisions. If I push it he’ll push the other way.

[MDPhDWife]

Reading all this helps me feel better about the choices we made last week when we encouraged Bella to not take on a job. I haven't told her yet that we'll be passing my car down to her on her birthday. My teenage years were so vastly different than hers. I loved working and even lied and got a fake student ID so I could get a job when I was 14. I would work as many hours as I could because I loved the financial independence it gave me. As a result, my parents bought me an almost new civic for my 15th birthday, I had to pay for insurance and gas. Looking back, I missed out on a lot of HS experiences because of my work schedule, but honestly I hated HS anyway so I'm not sure I would change much. We are hoping Bella's hard work in school will pay off in scholarships because we don't have much saved for that.


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[peggyfromwastate]

I think for Steven, he's doing well at work and getting a lot of positive feedback. It's not about the money so much, as he's not really SAVING for anything and he's just buying shoes. How many shoes can a kid have? I don't know. They all look the same. Literally. For him on the balance, I think 15 hours a week would be good. He's down to 20 hours, right now. I really need him to back off on some dinner time working though, so that we can at least have some family dinner together. Funny because the nights when we CAN have family dinner are the nights I'm booked at the dinner hour.

For the driving, I want them to be ABLE to put gas in the car if needed. That in and of itself is a skill that requires a certain confidence. It's actually kind of scary for a kid to go pay cash for gas. They are so used to seeing me use my card for everything. So perhaps when the tank approaches empty, rather than expect me to rearrange my day to go to Costco (seriously, any other gas is so expensive here), they will take initiative like they did today and just get a few gallons.

His work experience has definitely made his twin sister think, "no thank you" about getting a job. She's fine to pick up cat-sitting or baby-sitting here and there, but she's WAY too busy for any kind of additional commitment. She was thinking of working at the YMCA teaching swim lessons. But seeing Steven's crazy schedule, she's not interested anymore.

I regret that Steven isn't swimming right now. He literally has no time. But, he was already leaning towards taking a break before he got his license and job. So I'm actually a bit relieved to slide "work schedule" in that time void bc otherwise he'd maybe just get more distracted by friends. His friend group is OK, but they aren't focused and don't really have plans for the future. They aren't bad kids at all, but they just are sort of satisfied to hang around and not do very much. They don't do sports, clubs, extracurriculars, or work. So they skateboard, hang out, and play video games. On the balance, I'd rather have Steven working vs just skateboarding and hanging out.

Interesting discussion!!!

[PrincessFiona]

Thomas pays car insurance and gas for 2 years. Then they’re on their own. My income goes to help them with those things. Alex could not take his car to college this year because he could not afford insurance/gas.


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