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Empty Nest

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  • #1

    Empty Nest

    Has anyone experienced this? I don't have this full on, but am experiencing a variation of it.

    Our older 3 work/go to school and 2 are leaving home this fall. They are rarely home and do their own thing. Aidan and Zoe are in middle school and they spend their days playing with friends or in devices. We used to eat together each night, but now it's usually just Zoe, Thomas and I. My role has changed from taking care of the kids and playing with them to just taking care of the house as well as managing benefits etc for Andrew. Thomas is at a peak career-wise and he is very occupied by this.

    It feels ... empty. It's kind of sad. What I would give to have the years back to do it all over again!

    I feel like I'm working to build a life for myself now. It's one of the reasons I went back to school and have focused on helping families who have children with autism. I arrange coffee dates with a small group of friends and have started a local gettogether for parents of adults with autism.

    I'm being proactive. But I miss the days when the whole family did things together. I'm at a loss to engage them.

    Any ideas?

    Kris




    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
    ~Mom of 5, married to an ID doc
    ~A Rolling Stone Gathers No Moss
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  • #2
    um. My oldest is starting his senior year so I'm watching this closely. For reasons that exceed just empty nesting, I have taken the last few months to "get back to me". I've been going out at least once a week as an adult, preferably with brand new people. I've taken up a new hobby that I'm crazy about. I looked around and there was no denying that I'm moving into a new stage so I guess I'm trying to figure out what I want it to look like. I will tell you that I will mourn the loss of the original in tact family for quite sometime. I guess that means that I had a lot of love and joy and I should feel lucky for having it. I can't always force my head to take that positive view though. It is a loss.

    You figure out how to do it and coach me along.
    In my dreams I run with the Kenyans.

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    • #3
      That's where I'm at too, Kelly. Trying to figure out what this stage will look like.


      Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
      ~Mom of 5, married to an ID doc
      ~A Rolling Stone Gathers No Moss

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      • #4
        😭 Here I am, having just raced to drop K1 off at a class 30 minutes late, annoyed that K2 repeats himself and clings to me all the time, and sent Lambie to her room for testing boundaries and refusing to mind. Then I read this and feel guilty for being frustrated. Can't we ever just be happy in the moment?

        Sent from my SM-G950U using Tapatalk
        Wife and #1 Fan of Attending Adult & Geriatric Psychiatrist.

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        • #5
          ?


          Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
          ~Mom of 5, married to an ID doc
          ~A Rolling Stone Gathers No Moss

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          • #6
            Originally posted by PrincessFiona View Post
            ?


            Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
            What's the question?

            Sent from my SM-G950U using Tapatalk
            Wife and #1 Fan of Attending Adult & Geriatric Psychiatrist.

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            • #7
              I guess I didn't understand your response. Each stage of parenting comes with its unique challenges. Don't feel guilty.


              Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
              ~Mom of 5, married to an ID doc
              ~A Rolling Stone Gathers No Moss

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              • #8
                Originally posted by PrincessFiona View Post
                I guess I didn't understand your response. Each stage of parenting comes with its unique challenges. Don't feel guilty.


                Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
                It does. And you were near tears with frustration and exhaustion a few years ago too. Then you probably read someone's post about how lonely it is when the kids grow up or someone told you to "enjoy every minute" because it goes so fast. And you probably felt just the way I do now. Seems that at every stage of parenting we are looking forward to the future or feeling nostalgic for the past. But in the moment, we can't see past the laundry pile or the kids bickering or the sudden silence to enjoy the present.

                Sent from my SM-G950U using Tapatalk
                Wife and #1 Fan of Attending Adult & Geriatric Psychiatrist.

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                • #9
                  Your initial post literally made me cry. Like big fat tears.

                  Sent from my SM-G950U using Tapatalk
                  Wife and #1 Fan of Attending Adult & Geriatric Psychiatrist.

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                  • #10
                    I still am near tears. I still feel like I'm not enjoying it enough. And. It's slipping through my fingers so I feel sad and guilty. I wasn't telling you to enjoy every minute.


                    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
                    ~Mom of 5, married to an ID doc
                    ~A Rolling Stone Gathers No Moss

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by PrincessFiona View Post
                      I still am near tears. I still feel like I'm not enjoying it enough. And. It's slipping through my fingers so I feel sad and guilty. I wasn't telling you to enjoy every minute.


                      Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
                      I feel exactly the same way! It feels like I'm always looking for a resting place when I can be happy but it's all too fleeting.

                      I know you didn't say "enjoy every moment. " But every mom of little kids has been told that at some point.

                      Sent from my SM-G950U using Tapatalk
                      Wife and #1 Fan of Attending Adult & Geriatric Psychiatrist.

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                      • #12
                        It is too fleeting. Parenting is so demanding. I hate that we heap guilt in ourselves too!


                        Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
                        ~Mom of 5, married to an ID doc
                        ~A Rolling Stone Gathers No Moss

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                        • #13
                          It occurred to me that I have just 10 more years to prepare J for college and adulthood. 10 years sounds like a long time but it's not! 10 years is a heartbeat.

                          Sent from my SM-G950U using Tapatalk
                          Wife and #1 Fan of Attending Adult & Geriatric Psychiatrist.

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                          • #14
                            Please know, I'm comiserating. Just joining you for a good cry. Sometimes I just cannot believe how I can be so happy and so miserable at the same time. Know what I mean?

                            Sent from my SM-G950U using Tapatalk
                            Wife and #1 Fan of Attending Adult & Geriatric Psychiatrist.

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                            • #15
                              I do know what you mean. I really do!


                              Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
                              ~Mom of 5, married to an ID doc
                              ~A Rolling Stone Gathers No Moss

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